Uncertainty

And so it began... an undefined number of participants competing to finally leave this game and their monsters behind. Few of those committed suicide, not willing to live in this scary dangerous unknown world anymore. Some were too scared to fight, only to be killed by ones more brave. Blood has taken control of many, countered only by those who carefully crafted their plans. All is but finite.

At last, one remained, a young fellow, barely over 18. The one who killed the last participant. The one who hoped to escape this cruelty, who has descended to cruelty on his own. To no avail. The fate was not kind. The monster which should have disappeared, remained alive. Haunting the mind and sanity of the victorious one. Was this a reward? Or a bad twist? He couldn't tell. The years had gone past, filled with paranoia, doubting every shadow. His life was but a war of one. With none to help. Yet after long long years, he finally saw it. A young adult, perhaps few years younger than the victorious one, going carelessly along the busy street, and beside him, a frightening creature, which none paid attention to. He was conversing with this monster like it was an old friend. He had escaped the gruesome game by luck, and happily befriended the creature. Before the young adult knew it, he was bleeding. An expression of surprise, rather than shock was on his face. As he turned back, he saw a crazy smile of the paranoid one. He accepted his death much easily, even nonchalantly, as opposed to his killer, who frantically acted the same minute he saw the true last participant of the game.

As both monsters disappeared into the void, now the truly victorious one was finally free from the game that took too long to finish. Or was he really free The game that took eleven years. The game that stole countless lives. But in a true sense, it stole only one. The one that was left alive.

I came up with this story some time ago, and suddenly remembered about it now. It was very fun to write and reread, so I decided to post it somewhere.

Let's talk about everything, really.

I've got this friend who got a girlfriend, and kinda stopped messaging me like they used to, which got me thinking, would I do the same? Would I forget about my friends, acquaintances etc. the moment I become more successful? I hope not. It's probably better to strive for the better future instead of remaining with the ones who hold you down, but it was never like that in my life. The only people I dropped communication with, were the ones I disliked. None of those, who I truly appreciate and keep contact with, I ever forgot. And it doesn't matter who they are, as long as we have the same wavelength.

Been thinking about life on a wider scale than just “get through this day well”. World's just... too complex? Every big country does weird things, big companies screw everyone, everyone is screwed by everything, and that's not mentioning stuff like climate change, nukes and other dangerous things which could kill us all, but so few cares. Economy is another thing I don't get – people get underpaid, cost of life and commodities get too expensive, how does anyone think people can survive at all in the future.

Lately I've been having issues with doing/learning anything useful. Feeling like all life goals have disappeared. Or maybe that's actually summer's temperature, which usually gets me lazy. Also an issue, but not a big one.

Related to the previous topic, I haven't been doing very well with my attempts to write fiction. At first I felt that the issue is in not knowing how to write natural dialogues, or how to make characters with goals, ambitions, values – like real people. But after not writing anything for weeks, I started to think that maybe I have no idea how to write something big in general. It's hard to start typing when I know that no great idea have appeared in my head about any of the stories that I want to write. And thus I never start writing, and never get anywhere (which is the issue). Maybe I should just write, even if it sounds rough or I have no idea how to put my thoughts right or I have no idea about the plot, just write anything and think/edit later.

Phew, that is a nice amount text. It may become boring if I continue to think, so let's leave it at that. Have fun

Got a nostalgia attack just now, remembering all the people I've met online, like on Discord, and the related things that happened. Feels like a burden to not let go of all those memories, but I can't just leave them behind. All those moments mean something for me, even if it's all a past. It's a burden, yes, that I'm choosing to hold on to.

Tried playing some more guitar today. Singing along is quite hard, and I don't know how to practice it without losing rhythm after every word, but any progress is progress. I hope I will keep practicing to finally learn a good song or two on guitar, this post is going to be my reminder.